So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
