I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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