Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
