I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
