im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
