I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
