When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
