Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
