im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
