The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
