In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
