This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
