Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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