My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
