like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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