tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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