Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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