Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
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