i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
