my text book just quoted the cookie monster
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
