D3 body, D1 cock
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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