The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
