Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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