like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
