i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
