I would go down on you faster than GM stock
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize