Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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