i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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