I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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