Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
