Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Is Oprah even human
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
