My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
it hurts more in the daytime
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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