i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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