I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
