he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
