Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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