never play flip cup with pint glasses
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
