my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
