Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
