Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
