If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
