I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
