apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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