Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
