I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We need to get me chipped asap
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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