Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
