I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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