you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
