So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize