Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
