i would punch a child for taco bell
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
