this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
