How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
