super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
