god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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