The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
