I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Holy shit dude........stairs
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize