Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
