well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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