so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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