Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?