I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records