If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
