when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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