Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
