Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
