I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
