Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
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You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
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Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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