found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize