I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
