those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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