Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
