Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
