is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
