so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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