remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
