please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
